Restless

With loneliness abound, my soul begins to stir,
Restless with a yearning to be free of this fear.
A fear so entrenched into the core of who I am,
That its coming bring with it memories of the years gone by.

How did I make it through those years of torment?
As this feeling covered my soul and made me feel alive yet empty.
The sorrow and bliss, which gave my life meaning,
Blinded my eyes from the truth hidden within.
But I was led to the truth and it set my soul free,
For I found You in the depths of my heart,
And taking a hold of your outstretched hand, You lifted me up out of my pit.

But even now, as each passing moment strengthens the desire of my soul,
The feeling once again has taken control.
The voices I long to hear are whispers lost in the wind.
The faces I long to see are beyond the horizon, out of sight.
Into the pit, I once again begin to fall.

Why have I let my soul be emptied of the great joy that you bring?
You brought me life yet I have decided not to seek you .
I walk in the path, which you have chosen for me,
But I thought myself clever and choose to take the lead.

Why O Lord, did I not put my trust in you?
Around ever turn it seems that I try to take control.
To let go of your hand that was leading me and strike out on my own.
My pride led me straight to this pit,
Which I longed never to see.
I thought I could make it, trying on my own,
But I find myself falling deeper into this pit I fear.

My arms are flailing wildly as my soul begins to cry,
Weeping,
Knowing what sorrow lies within the darkness.
I thought I could make it, trying on my own,
Yet now surrounded by darkness, I plunged into despair.

In that moment.
I realized my mistake.
I cried out to you,
Hoping you were close enough to hear.
Yet even before the words left my lips,
I felt your hand grab hold of mine,
And gently pulled me out of my pit.

You greeted me with a warm embrace,
And wiped the tears from my eyes.
In my shame, the only words I could muster were, “I’m sorry,”
Yet, as I looked into your loving eyes,
I knew you had already forgiven me.

O Lord, you knew me before I was born,
You know my weaknesses as well as my strengths.
Yet, you choose to look past these faults of mine,
And gaze into the core of my soul
To see that it yearns for you.

Back in your presence,
My restless soul begins to rejoice,
For once again you have saved me from myself.

That pit I wish never to fall into,
Yet I do not know what lies ahead.
All I know is that I walk with my Savior leading the way,
He will keep me steady along the way,
As long as I hold the hand that guides me and not try to go it alone.